SHIPWRECK KELLY

I’ve been blessed to travel, wander and live all over this great country of ours. Wearing a few different job hats, between the ages of eighteen and thirty, every two years, I lived in a different city. Along the way, I encountered thousands of people, many of whom I call friends. Some I don’t but more than anything, I’ve engaged with some of the most unique, beguiling, funny, crazy and unforgettable characters, imaginable. Many of my stories, and those who know me know I have a thousand stories, revolve around these characters. Today I will start the Tales of Andrade. I will tell tales, hopefully humorous, as often as I can and today I will start with one of these bizarre characters I’ve met along my path: Shipwreck Kelly.

Shipwreck (his real name shall remain hidden) and I worked together, for a brief time, in the early Aughts, and suffice to say, he made an impression. Not a bad guy if looks, brains and luck aren’t part of the equation, Shipwreck was snake-bit. He was the epitome of the Mel Brooks concept of placing a good person in a bad situation and watch them make it worse. For instance, Shipwreck was mugged at knife point in Downtown Los Angeles. Overwhelming the would-be thief, Shipwreck was arrested for being ‘too physical’ with the robber. Hey, it’s California.

From 2002-2008, I worked Downtown LA at Nick n’ Stef’s Steakhouse. My boss, a good man and friend, promoted Shipwreck to bartender over my strenuous objections because… well, because. Shipwreck’s first day behind the bar was my day off. As I settled in for a fine Happy Hour at Baja Cantina, my GM called and asked if I could cover for Shipwreck. Incredulous that on his first day and my day off, Shipwreck would require coverage, I objected. I asked the reason for such an imposition. My GM’s response? “I can’t tell you over the phone. I need to see your reaction when I give the reason.”

Well, how can I turn THAT down?

After driving from Venice to Downtown, I reached work and entered my bosses office. My boss, looking side to side as if preparing to tell a dirty joke, shut the office door.

“You know Shipwreck was in a car wreck a few years back and lost his front four teeth? He wears falsies,” my GM began. I replied that I did not know this but wasn’t surprised.

“Well, last night, Shipwreck took a couple bong hits and fell asleep with his false teeth in his hand.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Well… his dog ate his teeth.”

Now, mind you, I’ve heard some whoppers in my day and the bigger the lie the likelier it’s to be true and I had never heard anything like this. So, I ended up working twelve days in a row as Shipwreck waited for his new set of falsies; upper management took issue with a bartender who looked like a tweaker (to be fair, he did anyway). I proposed he follow his dog until the dog passed the dentures and then Fixodent and Forget it but I was overruled.

So here’s to you, Shipwreck Kelly, wherever you are. I’m sure you’ve contracted every strain of COVID.

Great Bands you may not know (But I love)

The Winnetka Bowling League is a crafty band that, to me, sounds like a sunny Southern California day. A sunshine band of pop, Winnetka’s sound feels like a cross between The New Pornographers, Best Coast and Beach House. Slow Dances is my personal favorite song of theirs but they have a new EP coming out titled: Congratulations. Give it a listen.

Rolando Eats and Great Meals

Just a little something I tossed together. Putting plans together for the next 6-course Wine Dinner.

Things I overhear in Hermosa Beach…

“I had to get rid of him. He had dysfunction and Herpes.”

“Really? Which Kind?”

That’s all for today folks. I will be back on Friday with a review of another great movie. Enjoy and take care of yourself and my friends, take my advice; pull down your pants and slide on the ice.